A future with my adorable Bamby
Because she deserves it and I have these overwhelming feelings for her.
My Bambina, My Bamby Girl
My beloved cat, Bamby, died today. The cause of her death is unknown. Her body was found lifeless beside our house.
There are now only 17 cats remaining in our house. Yet, even with her tiny body, it feels like she left a huge space in our home. Or perhaps, she left a huge hole in my heart; it feels like the room area suddenly became spacious.
I can say that Bamby is MY cat. And for her, I believe, she saw me as her HUMAN. I knew it because she adores me THAT MUCH. She loved me so dearly that I cannot remember a single time that she ignored me whenever I called her name. Even when she was sleeping, she always responded. She used to lie down on the floor whenever she saw me, always playfully waiting for me to caress her tummy. She used to cry loudly whenever she was in a high place; waiting for me to get her, even though I knew that she knew how to go down by herself. She was always the pabebe one.
Something was wrong this morning
That was why when I called her name this morning, and no one responded, I knew that something was wrong. A furrparent’s biggest fear started to haunt me — my beloved pet crossing the rainbow bridge.
“How dare you, Bamby? How dare you leave me too soon? How come you became so quiet, my crybaby?”
God gives life and He also removes it when the time comes
As a person, my biggest fear is God saying “No” to my prayer of keeping my family safe and healthy at all times.
God gives life, and He also removes it.
It was 5 PM and the rain was pouring so hard. It felt like the clouds offered to share with me this feeling of loneliness. The clouds cried with me. No, it howled the feelings that I was keeping inside me.
As I stared at the huge drops of rain, I started to remember the times when I witnessed the death — of my stranger hospital roommate, my Dad, our dogs Gaga and Morris, Tia Fe, Tia Mileng, Chloe, Pipay, Puy, Lelet, NokNok, and now Bamby. I asked myself, “How many deaths am I going to witness in my lifetime? How many more times do I need to grieve? How many more times would God decline my prayer of healing and safety?
With the sight of rain pouring from the gutter of Lucky’s roof, I am reminded why I am still a Christian today.
Christianity offers hope, a future, and a life after death. And it is not just a life, it is an eternal life without pain and agonies. Heaven is a place of no goodbyes. And I hope that this will also be a place of reunion with all the people and animals I care about.
I guess I will always be a believer in this idea; hence my belief in Yahweh. Some of my friends would question me about it, but I think, what matters is I remain connected, trying to live a guilt-free life, of no regrets but just loving. I will try to live my life according to God’s commandment of love. A love that is not self-seeking but is to be shared with my fellow creatures, whether be it of my species or not.
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PS. I started typing this essay teary-eyed. I sobbed in the middle towards the almost end. And in the last paragraph, I am now smiling with a bright view of the future, without the physical presence of my Bamby.
Bamby will always be with me. She will always be in my heart. Sure, there are times that I might forget her or not remember her. But her space is already permanent; it cannot be replaced; it cannot be removed. It will remain there even let’s say I lose consciousness. In the future, my soul will depart from my body, but I just know, she’ll be there for me, along with the family we have. (Okay, I’m sobbing again, even coughing, fluids fill my nostrils).
I love you, Bamby.
Love,
Meowmy Chincha or whatever Meow-Meow you address me in your cute language.